Teach the Children to Kill

Over the past weekend Manuscripts Don't Burn has been assaulted by yet another of those "we-can't-believe-we're-having-this-conversation" moments. This time, the issue at hand is whether it's a good idea to allow primary school children to play with toy guns (and other weapons) in school...

Hurrah for common sense at last! Manuscripts Don't Burn thinks guns in school is a great idea, especially for boys. If we can only get toy ones, then fair enough, but we think also that under proper supervision boys at primary school should also be given training with real guns, and small caliber ordnance where appropriate, and introduced to blood sports at as young an age as possible.

Additionally, elementary boxing courses and lessons in self-defense should be introduced to playschool and pre-school classes (obviously with some of the less sportsmanlike elements, such as gouging and gas attacks, taken out to protect young minds), together with marching practise, perhaps with some of our much underused retired military drill instructors, to instil a sense of camaraderie amongst the very young boys. Likewise, boisterous singing and enforced communal showers could be used to open up some of the shyer boys, and prevent them growing up into sexual deviants.

Finally, regular manhunts of one of the smaller, faster boys (this could be someone elected from amongst the boys, as an example of the benefits of the democratic approach) could be introduced to the school curriculum with only a minimal increase in medical expenses.

Taken together, all of these stirring activities could also be presented as a focus for support activities undertaken by the gels, specifically cheering from the sidelines, cooking celebratory cakes, and sewing up wounds. Gels could also be encouraged to make banners, and to vote for their favourite boy, to inculcate a spirit of decent competition amongst the lads.

It's a violent world out there, and we need to teach our children to be violent as early as possible, otherwise they will be unable to fully take part in our rich society and enjoy the unending cycle of fear and loathing, violence and oppression of which we are all so proud.

Excellent debate. Well done everyone. As you were.